SANDBACH 7 VALE OF LUNE 25
NORTH ONE WEST
Saturday 6th March 2010
It had been a busy week for the Alies which began with a night out at The Bellingham Hotel in Wigan, the venue for the Manchester and District Rugby Union Referees’ Society Annual Dinner.

- Tony North’s sequence of pictures of Owens on his way to score

- Fergus rounding a prop

- Fending off another defender

- Now accelerating

- And finally on his way to the line
Diggler had been co-opted to drive the mini-bus with the promise of a meal, although he would have to do without a Latvian lap dancer because Gilly had drawn a blank, his only administrative slip up of the evening.
Young Diggler handled the vehicle with aplomb, a cross between Michael Schumacher and Reginald Molehusband, while his running commentary held everyone enthralled, if a slightly envious, as “Casanova” recounted some of his exploits and conquests.
On the way back Diggler spotted a van parked on the hard shoulder that looked familiar. Yes, dear reader, it was; you are one jump ahead of me. It cost him £150 to get the vehicle back from the custodians, and another story for his repertoire.
Gilly handled the accounts for the dinner, ensuring all the cheques and cash went in the right envelope this time because last year his double entry system went a little haywire. The Press Secretary did his stint as kitty master, no problems; although Shagpile said he was parting with his last note as his well worn wallet flashed open, and with his friend, the Electrician still housebound, it looked like being a long night.
Overall it was a pleasant convivial evening, with the top brass, Fred and Reg, from the Miller Homes Leagues present it could hardly be otherwise. Jonty and Barry from Wilmslow were on the next table and the eggcitement knew no bounds. Enty, who had booked the following morning off, and the President, negotiated something approaching a sensible price for a bottle of port to follow the Major’s intriguing choice of wines.

- The Vale’s Samoan import Finau leaving an opponent clutching straws
For the trip to Sandbach the Major was absent, saving himself for a gala evening and pressing his dickey, but it was a quietly confident group of Alies, some wearing their “lucky” underpants, who boarded Carl’s luxury Volvo coach.
Derrick was unable to provide his usual emergency rations, but the Plumber brought along a knobbly, acute Shiraz which thrust itself into all the palate’s crevices. As it warmed up the connoisseurs were experiencing, plums, prunes, burnt toast and that subtle perfume that is associated with opening the tractor shed doors.

- Wilson finding the gap
Light traffic on the M6 ensured an early arrival at Bradwall Road. The usual debate broke out who was to be kitty master, the Plumber produced his littlered book and Entry trudged his way to the bar to order some splendid “London Pride.” Gilly’s long hair worried the President, but he was reassured when Gilly said he still opted for a centre parting.
There was some confusion when the Solicitor dragged the Alies to form a tunnel. Clap! Clap! went the Alies when a column of red and white jerseys emerged from the changing rooms, but although the shirts looked familiar the faces did not, apart from one, Martin Lancaster.
Slowly it dawned on the Alies that this was Sefton’s second team, captained by former Vale of Lune player Martin, but after a brief pause the applause increased as a bemused group of players trotted off to take on Sandbach’s third team, eventually losing 25-13.

Sutcliffe using his considerable bulk
As the half hour approached, on the main pitch, handbags began to swing and the players waltzed their way to the touchline, the miscreants eventually spilling over the barrier where a group of Alies were standing. Accusations were made that one of the Alies had raised a foot and one was threatened with a citizen’s arrest.
While the bus passes, Nectar Cards and library cards flashed, the ones that mattered remained in referee Andy Dawson’s pockets. The President did explain that in days gone bye the perpetrator would have been labelled a malefactor and branded with the letter “m.” He then disappeared round the back of the clubhouse to give the bellows an extra pump to set the coals glowing.
On the return journey a brief stop was made in Sandbach to drop a couple of players at the railway stain and the Alies were treated to a refreshing bottle of agreeable red by the players. After a few tales from the Potting Shed it was decided to open up the Spoof school for the first time this year.

Heskey in a wrestling contest
But before any calls, and while Gilly was fumbling for a score sheet, the Press Secretary contacted Morse with the league results. Morse was purring his way home ready for a night on the Singer Sewing Machine after his son’s efforts had caused the gusset to split in his shorts revealing a delicate shade of big boy pants.
Spoof followed its usual pattern with the Press Secretary struggling to add or subtract and remembering the calls and consequently lost the first two games. Eventually everything settled down. Gilly reminded everyone that should you reach the “final” never be caught with three or none in your hand. He was later hoisted by his own petard.
With the sun setting over Morecambe Bay a classic “Final” was fought out between Enty and Shagpile. The carpetbagger had stayed out of trouble all evening but he met his match with Enty. “None!” shouted Shagpile.
A smirking Enty responded with “Spoof!”
“Take your winnings off my account,” muttered his client.
In the clubhouse the Alies debated the benefits of a Care in the Community programme or whether an ASBO was just around the corner after the events on the touchline, but all agreed it had been a cracking performance against Sandbach, effectively erasing from the memory the disappointments of the last visit. There had been three quality tries from Fergus Owens, James Hodder and Darren Wilson; Neale Foster had converted all three tries and kicked a penalty goal.
Vale of Lune: M Stevens; J Hodder, A Macluskie, F Owens, T Finau (A Richards 47); N Foster D Wilson; J Hesketh, A Powers, A Sutcliffe; L Acton (Capt), D Perry; A Garnett, D Lin, S Wallbank (F Spavin 51)
Man of the Match: Darren Wilson
I’m afraid that my attempts to provide the photo of the 100% bust up beteen the teams met with failure. There must have been a bug in the picture. However a certain Mr Higgin seemed well to the fore.
Tony Norths pictures of the leadups to the tries are now becoming a feature of the articles.
Not only being terrific photos but having the patience to wait and take hundreds of photos on the off chance shows the calibre of our own photographer. Excellent.
RR
























