FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING: PART TWO

VALE OF LUNE 15  TYLDESLEY  20

It has been an interesting weekend. Sven has returned, or his tactics have, Schumacher blows up, Sean Cox scores a try for Sale at Harlequins, while the Vale of Lune's Clubhouse bore witness to the hand of Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen and the Vale faithful were left to ruminate over a second home defeat in the space of two weeks.

BAKER'S DOZEN FOR ANDY

STOKE ON TRENT  0   VALEOF LUNE  13

The Potteries are justifiably proud of their citizens and their manufacturing industry, much of which alas, has disappeared. Sir Stanley Matthews, Arnold Bennett, Robbie Williams, Josiah Wedgwood, Royal Doulton, commodes and other such essentials in the shape of some exquisitely moulded or plain functional sanitary ware, all have their links to North Staffordshire.
After the performance against Lymm, the Vale arrived at Hartwell Lane in rural Barlaston, far from the smoking bottle kilns and the lattice work of pit winding gear of yesteryear, hardly flushed with success. They knew that a third defeat on the trot would send them further down the pan. It would require something more than just going through the motions, a solid performance was needed from everyone; hopefully the laxatives handed out in the training sessions had done their work and any post Lymm constipation had been blown away.

BUNCH OF FIVES K.O. VALE.

VALE OF LUNE   8     LYMM   31

Can the Vale of Lune pass the ball?
Yes, the Vale of Lune can pass the ball.
Can they pass the ball to each other?
Sometimes they can pass the ball to each other.
See Adam, from Lymm, catch the ball.
Can Adam run fast?
Yes, Adam can run fast.
See Adam run.
See James Curran chase Adam.
Can James catch Adam?
NO!
See Adam touch down.
Will his friend Nick convert?
Yes, Nick will kick the ball over the bar.

SIMON'S SEVEN, ENDS RUN OF EIGHT

LIVERPOOL S.H.  21   VALE OF LUNE  7

Visits made to Moss Lane over the years have always provided the opportunity for budding Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby's to brush up their detection skills. This time it was new power showers, last season fairy cakes in the President's Lounge and security shutters in the clubhouse. A few years ago a spanking new stand had been erected; it is doubtful that even D.S Jones or Culley would have missed this! Next year Liverpool St Helens will be celebrating their 150th anniversary; Salvador Dali, eat your heart out.
The intrepid duo of sleuths from 'Midsomer Murders' would certainly have clocked L.S.H's modus operandi straight from kick off, even the bumbling Inspector Clouseau might have had an inkling of what was going on when he had finished wandering around the clubhouse and chatting up the bar staff.

AFTER YOU WITH FACTOR FIVE, CLAUDE

VALE OF LUNE 34      CARLISLE 17

.An exciting curtain raiser to a new season was neatly bracketed between the antics of two clubofficials wrestling with the complexities of the electronic and digital age.
Prior to kick off the Commercial Manager discovered that the newly installed radio microphone system refused to deliver a decibel in the test transmission despite a full array of flashing lights on the console. So no mobile ping pong pre match, or any pitch side updates.
After the final whistle the Press Secretary sought the sanctuary of the office to text the result to the splendid, informative 'Rugby Round Up' results service. Dripping with perspiration the virgin texter fumbled his way over the touch pad. Eventually the magic words 'Message Sent' appeared as the result disappeared into the ether and the waiting world. Viva T. Mobile!