2 POINTS, A BOTTLE OF BELLS, AND A PONY

TYLDESLEY  13    VALE OF LUNE 22
NORTH TWO WEST

A white ghostly galleon, with Steve at the helm, swept silently through the foggy streets of Tyldesley but it was not alone. Dim figures appeared and just as quickly disappeared, halogen lights cut through the grey blanket leaving a wispy trail of exhaust gasses, and there was the music.

From the Town Square, Top Chapel, Well Street and Astley Street, familiar lyrics hauntingly ebbed and flowed on the faintest of zephyrs in around the terraced streets.

'A foggy day in Tyldesley town,
Had me low and had me down,
I viewed the morning with alarm,
St George's Park had lost its charm.
How long, I pondered would this pea-souper last?'

According to Ira and George Gershwin and singers such as Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holliday and Michael Buble, 'the age of miracles hadn't passed' and through the fog, 'the sun was shining everywhere'
Well it might have been in Cumbria and Staffordshire, but it refused to make an appearance in M29 8HG!

The clubhouse at Tyldesley loomed out of the mist like a Cunard liner, solid, warm and comforting; the beer pumps burnished bright and erect awaiting the arrival of the guests. Rumours filtered up from the depths that referee Chris Meadows was happy with the weather conditions, and although the bunting and ensigns could not be seen at the top of the posts, cast off would be at 14.15 hours.

Once under way, Tyldesley were the first to show, Ashley Worsfold kicking a penalty goal in the third minute after a tidal surge had taken the Vale by surprise. Seven minutes later the home side seemed all at sea when the ball bobbled around their goal line. Andy Garnett was the first to react scooping the ball up like an attentive waiter collecting a piece of cutlery off the floor, for an unconverted try.
Then the Vale's stokers set to work, heaving, grunting and forcing Tyldesley back. John Bleasdale called for more power; the pistons went in and out like a mighty engine on the CPR. One of Vale's agile powder monkeys, prop Alex Cowey, touched down, Andy Miller converted in the fifteenth minute.

In the twenty third minute the Vale were caught leaning on their shovels as Ashley Worsfold slipped away for a try which he converted. The same player nudged his side into the lead with a penalty goal early in the second half when the Vale compass went on the blink.
Gradually the half time tot of Lucozade started to kick in. James Curran chased a kick into the corner but according to the officials he failed to ground the ball. Andy Garnett kicked a penalty as the Vale started to hoist full sail; 'Bring her round Mr Christian!' James Curran skimmed away for a legitimate try with three minutes remaining, carving his way through to finish under the posts, Andy Garnett converted.

Shortly after this score it was announced that nine minutes remained, causing a former Chairman of Rugby to clutch the rail surrounding the pitch in disbelief. Replacement full back Rob Thorn lashed the ball down into a deep dark ravine and the referee ended the game at this point after five minutes of extra time.
This was a signal for an apparition to appear from the clubhouse and subject Mr Meadows to a torrent of salty language. Perhaps this individual was one of the 'Mighty Bongers' referred to in the programme by President Les West.

Then it was into the clubhouse, where a tean photo, 1995/96, on the wall featured a youthful Brian Ashton, to watch with admiration the 'Jonny Wilkinson Show'. Enty won £25 in the raffle for the time of the first try, Gerald bought the winning ticket for a bottle of whisky, and steaming cauldrons of curry and chilli con carne were eagerly consumed prior to boarding the coach.

On the way to a refreshment stop in Preston the fog slowly lifted but the motorway signs warned that 'Gritting was in Progress.' There was plenty of good ale to be consumed in friendly pubs, but the Membership Secretary could not be persuaded to part with his winnings to buy the lads a favourite Tyldesley tipple - namely a BMW. The price of a mixture of Baileys, Malibu and Whisky proved to be too much for Mr Moneybags, he was heard trilling the refrain 'This is the luckiest day I have known' as he skipped back to the coach.

VALE OF LUNE: A.Miller (Rep R.Thorn 73), J.Bryan, A.Garnett, I.Bird, J.Curran, N.Bennetts (Capt), J.Bleasdale, P.Jackson, D.Schuyler, A.Cowey, J.Knox, D.Perry, L.Ford (Rep D.Halliwell 55), D.Lin, M.Fowler.