0-60 IN 40 METRES

VALE OF LUNE  19  LIVERPOOL S.H.  42
NORTH TWO WEST

Occasionally we experience a Jeremy Clarkson moment when confronted with something that takes the breath away. Petrol heads and 'Top Gear' aficionados know the feeling when they catch sight of a piece of mechanical engineering that sets them drooling; colour, shape, inherernt power, all assembled in one package.

Such was the reaction when a black, six wheeled Ellisons coach purred silently, snake like, onto the Vale of Lune's car park. Here was a leviathian of raw beauty that asked to be touched, stroked or just admired. Mr Ford, Benz, Porsche, you did a good job.
But don't hold it there you anoraks ................

In the second minute of the second half a turbo charged artic, in pristine livery, throbbed into life. Dave Halliwell, who had replaced the unwell Phil Jackson at half time, collected the ball forty metres from the Liverpool St Helens line. He set the cogs whirling like a juggler spinning plates.

Cue Jeremy, whose figures of speech slice through his prose like a tracer bullet.
'' Unleash the beast under the bonnet,'' or '' the supercharger eating steroids by the handful,'' perhaps '' the gear lever vibrates so much it feels like you've just grabbed a high voltage cable,'' most likely '' it just ploughs through whatever it hits, people will dive into a hedgerow when confronted with an onrushing Ferrari.''
'Big Dave' as he is affectionately known, thundered forward, this was no truck or trailer move, the tractor unit was rampant, flames shooting from the exhaust pipes as the afterburners were ignited. He thre in a sidestep, a dummy and balletic swerve that Jason Robinson would have been proud of, on his way to a try that would have had the bouquets raining down at the Royal Opera House. Andy Garnett converted to give a scoreline of 19-22.

But this was the last throaty roar from the Vale's engine, apart from a late surge near the final whistle, but by then LSH's tail lights were out of sight. The Champions of North Two West played like Champions after Dave's try, they regrouped, checked that the load had not shifted and piled on twentu more points to inflict on the Vale their heaviest home league defeat since Bradford and Bingley won, 45-22, in February 2004.

The largest crowd of the season so far, saw the Vale take an early lead with a slick try from centre Rob Thorn on his debut. LSH replied in kind with a try from their exciting full back, Tama Makamaka and a penalty fron stand off, Simon Worsley.
With the clock on the dashboard showing that sixteen minutes had been played, Neil Bennetts strode away for a try converted by Andy Garnett. Dave Hale was ideally positioned to touch down for the visitors after centry Ally Young had left the Vale defence in shreds with his pace through the middle, Simon Worsley converting from in front.

The game continued at cup holder rattling pace, but disaster struck the home side with eight minutes remaining. Scrum half Chris McRobert intercepted the ball inside his own half, overdrive was engaged and with the rev counter moving towards the red band he had enough gas in the tank to keep his pursuers at a distance, Simon Worsley converted to end a high octane half.

After Big Dave had parked the juggernaut in the dead ball area, LSH checked the oil and water, pulled the visor down, put the lever into drive and went for it. Prop Dave Conway poached a try wide out, Dave Hale, after relentless pressure, left the pit lane before anyone could react, Simon Worsley converting from in front. Tama Makamaka had time and space to touch down on the left, Simon Worsley completed the scoring with a penalty goal.
Loike a well prepared car for the 24 Hour Le Mans, LSH seem well equipped to go the distance out in front, while the Vale will need to keep their motor running at full bore for the remainder of the season; the winners chequered flag is beyond them, but they can ill afford to coast around the circuit with some dangerous Jaguars snapping at their heels.

There were moments in the game when the Vale found themselves in a position to engineer a victory. They certainly held LSH up, but never really caused them to stand and deliver, which would have been very appropriate because the guest beer on sale in the clubhouse was aptly called Dick Turpin. But judging by the light bitter in the County Bar, which according to the pundits was a sample from Black Bess - ''this horse should no longer pull a milk float or coal cart,'' it said on the glass - the Vale would have been hard pushed to make a getaway.

VALE OF LUNE  A.Miller, J.Bryan, R.Thorn, A.Garnett, J.Curran, N.Bennetts (Capt), J.Bleasdale (Rep A.Bolsover 40), P.Jackson (Rep D.Halliwell 40), D.Schuyler, A.Cowey, D.Perry, J.Knox, L.Ford (Rep L.Farnworth 57), D.Lin, M.Fowler.

Bannister Bates Man of the Match - James Knox
Match Sponsors - Border Asset Management
Ball Sponsors - Cumbrian Properties.