A BRIDE'S DEAREST POSSESSION?

LEIGH  28    VALE OF LUNE  3
NORTH TWO WEST

For this pleasant sunny charabanc trip to Round Ash Park the travelling Alies had doubled in number from the trio that had travelled to Chester. The 'brains' had returned in the shape of Guinness Joe, The President and Enty.
Once the 'Telegraph' crossword had been completed; is there such a thing as a night jar?, Enty unleashed another of his infamous quizzes on the unsuspecting innocents, this time it was entitled ''Our Dinner Menu'', I blame the trips to Suffolk. One of the clues is headlined above - have a think about it before reading on.....

Pretty soon it became a combined effort as tempers began to fray, not only were the questions confusing but some of the answers required lateral thinking, something in short supply where the Alies are concerened.
Never mind, the eggheads ploughed on to the bitter end. Joe chipped in with a few answers, Cumpst was busy helping the bookmakers benevolent fund and soon the Haydock Park turnoff arrived. The Major presented the Press Secretary with a copy of 'I Spy Caravans and Motor Homes' after the previous book on 'Trucks and Trucking' had been completed.

There were few caravans on the move so the current situations in the soaps were reviewed. Of course there was the usual confusion about names, in particular the christian name of that little minx who is Sally Webster's eldest daughter. With various names being thrown into the mix it was all too much for Ned the driver who bellowed out 'Rosie' then wished he hadn't; if you can't beat them, join them and he was so young.

Leigh's Clubhouse is one of the most friendly and comfortable on the circuit, a homely lounge with a bar and sensible furniture. The Major assumed his role as a potential member of CAMRA by announcing that two of the beers on offer were brewed just down the road at a micro brewery. So, it was 'Spitting Feathers', what an apt title ahead of the game, followed by an equally quaffable pint of 'Round Ash', no surprise that New Brighton had placed an order for a few firkins, it must have been a hell of a session when they visited Leigh at the end of September!!
After tucking into a huge platter of sandwiches, washed down with the aforementioned beer, and leaving behind the Arsenal versus United tussle, there was just time to make it for the first early kick off, of the season.

Overall it was an absorbing first half with the Vale producing some highly encouraging passages of rugby. The pack were giving their much talked about rivals a far from easy ride in all areas, but the backs never really got going. Unfortunately Leigh's danger man, full back Phil Wilcocks was given too much room; his long legged powerful running caused problems throughout. He set up his sides' first try and scored the last of the half to give Leigh a 12-3 lead. Adam Armstrong licked a penalty goal for the Vale.

The scoreline did not look too bad, the Vale had played with spirit but their second half performance suggested that someone had replaced the half time oranges with the Alies quiz. Perhaps they were puzzling over such gems as 'Hens resting place' or 'Two of a kind', whatever, their game fell apart; from 'Mastermind' to 'Blankety Blank' and nothing to take away, not even a cuddly toy.

Ian Bird did his best to impersonate Jeremy Paxman, 'Come on I must have an answer', but the number next to Vale's name on the scoreboard refused to move while the digits next to the home side flicked over at regular intervals. Fireworks began to make their presence felt as the game drew to a close as the Vale fumbled to light their blue touch paper and were forced to watch the pyrotechnics from the home side.

A subdued coach wound its way home, 'Watch the bollards Ned!'. The President introduced another complex quiz but it was all too much for the Alies who were trying to get their heads round why David Schuyler appeared to be a few days late for Halloween. It had been that sort of a day.
Sneak previews of the next quiz suggest the Alies will have to move onto an all fish diet. Such questions as, ''How long did the 100 years war last?'' and ''What colour is the black box in a commercial aeroplane?'' are going to cause some serious head scatching; I Spy an Abbey Spectrum in the middle lane!

VALE OF LUNE:  A.Miller, J.Bryan, A.Garnett, I.Bird (Capt), J.Hodder, A.Armstrong, M.Huntington (Rep A.Richards 69), P.Jackson, G.Barton, A.Cowey (Rep A.Sutcliffe 40), L.Acton, L.Farnworth, D.Lin, J.Clarkson (Rep I.Turton 69), M.Fowler.

A Bride's dearest possession is of course her ring - herring, get it!