"BRANDY FOR THE PARSON" (R. KIPLING)

VALE OF LUNE  11  CHESTER  34
NORTH TWO WEST

The East Terrace was awash with Armagnac, kindly dispensed by Ball Sponsor George Dickson, from a bottomless hip flask, a flavour of France with a glowing afterburn which was enhanced by the blackcurrant and liquorice toffees supplied by Elwyn Watkins. This combination produced an intense flavour on even the most refined palate, lying somewhere between Night Nurse and Polyclens, challenging, robust, with a surprising bouquet. Well worth another try, perhaps next time with aniseed balls or Polo mints.

But there was to be no "Baccy for the Clerk" on this occasion, Enty had to be content with a pack of Henri's while the Commercial Manager had an unlimited supply of roll ups. On a windy day The Plumber was heard muttering about pilot fish being blown out, in between offering the referee some pearls of wisdom in a game where the blinds were fully drawn back.

For the second meeting of the season between the two clubs the Vale of Lune did not "face the wall" when the gentlemen of Chester "went by", this time around they "asked the questions" and did not "fret", but in the end they did not receive "a present from the gentlemen," not so much a "chuck-'neath the chin" 
There was an air of optimism wafting through the clubhouse, Lamb Henry and Meat and Potato pie were on the menu, but would the tariff extend to a Vale of Lune victory against the league leaders.

Everything looked promising once the shock of seeing the For Sale notice on the ground had subsided and in front of a large crowd the Vale opened rattling away at the shutters. Unfortunately the "house dogs" were barking madly when Chester's winger, Simon Abiero completed a slick handling move for a try converted by Tom Foden.
A rollicking good heave-hoing contest then developed, the work rate from both sides was prodigious but the men dressed in red and black went further ahead with two quality tries. Full back Sean Green sashayed his way between the posts and then set up a try for Tom Foden, Tom having converted Sean's try.

Trailing 19-0 after twenty eight minutes suggested that the Vale were not so much trotting towards another heavy defeat at the hands of Chester, but at a frothing gallop, in particular when Owen Hughes departed the action for some serious mending. Overall it had been a busy game for the fleet footed physios, Collette and Kathryn, and they were not to be "given a dainty doll, all the way from France, with a cap of Valenciennes and a velvet hood", for their efforts with the smelling salts and magic sprays.

But this was not October and things had moved on for the Vale. The flag was not ready to be hauled down. Craig Orrick, a player who knows a good barn door when he sees one went for it. "Mr Plunderbuss", raced through as though he had found "little barrels, roped and tarred, all full of brandy wine," he should have scored but the referee was unsighted. The only reward for the centre, and the rest of the company, was a penalty goal from Adam Armstrong to complete the first half scoring.

Vale began the second half with a number of swirling attacks to remind Chester they were no "tired horse lying down" and after ten minutes Adam kicked a penalty but the gap could not be breached and the "knocks and footsteps" around their defence increased. A Vale relieving kick was plucked out of the air by a former all dancing all singing Vale threequarter on the terrace, but there was no hint of one of his trademark dummies as he returned the ball.

Just after the hour mark Chester moved onto higher and much safer ground. Lock forward, John Piggot was credited with a try after a searing run down the stand side from Matt Sheen. After much debate Tom Foden kicked a penalty, whether the visitors were worried about a Vale revival, or they were confused remains a mystery. The final Chester score showed their potential with a move that started deep in their own half. A series of well timed passes to players who were sparking along ended with Simon Abiero touching down, his try fittingly converted by Tom Foden.

All that remained was for the Vale to produce a storming finish. Hooker, Gavin Barton, who had bushwhacked his way through the game, was driven over by his fellow forwards for an unconverted try. Vale's closing surges brought forth some strangled shrieks from the Chester contingent in the stand, but they need not have worried, the points were as safe as Kipling's Smugglers

The Chester team returned to Hare Lane in their swish coach, a job well done and their place at the top of the league secure. Some of their army, with President Tony leading from the front went off to whoop it up at "Whoop Hall", leaving the Vale to mull over the prospect of the next home game against Northwich on Februay 9th. For those players and supporters who are likely to "wake at midnight," try not to worry too much about what might be lurking in the woodshed, and for those who like brandy and water they might like to heed the advice of Robert Hall, why not, he suggested "ask for a glass of liquid fire and distilled damnation;" pretty hard stuff, even for the Alies!

VALE OF LUNE: A.Armstrong, J.Hodder, A.Garnett, C.Orrick, A.Richards, N.Foster, O.Hughes (Rep N.Bennetts 29), D.Halliwell (Rep A.Cowey 63), G.Barton, A.Sutcliffe, L.Farnworth, D.Perry (Rep D.Schuyler 75), R.Mudd, D.Lin, M.Fowler (Capt)

Match Sponsor: Phil Rogerson Ltd
Match Ball Sponsor: George Dickson
Cumbrian Properties Man of the Match: Gavin Barton