NORTH ONE WEST

Saturday 6th March 2010

It had been a busy week for the Alies which began with a night out at The Bellingham Hotel in Wigan, the venue for the Manchester and District Rugby Union Referees’ Society Annual Dinner.

Diggler had been co-opted to drive the mini-bus with the promise of a meal, although he would have to do without a Latvian lap dancer because Gilly had drawn a blank, his only administrative slip up of the evening.

Young Diggler handled the vehicle with aplomb, a cross between Michael Schumacher and Reginald Molehusband, while his running commentary held everyone enthralled, if a slightly envious, as “Casanova” recounted some of his exploits and conquests.  

On the way back Diggler spotted a van parked on the hard shoulder that looked familiar. Yes, dear reader, it was; you are one jump ahead of me. It cost him £150 to get the vehicle back from the custodians, and another story for his repertoire.

Gilly handled the accounts for the dinner, ensuring all the cheques and cash went in the right envelope this time because last year his double entry system went a little haywire. The Press Secretary did his stint as kitty master, no problems; although Shagpile said he was parting with his last note as his well worn wallet flashed open, and with his friend, the Electrician still housebound, it looked like being a long night.

Overall it was a pleasant convivial evening, with the top brass, Fred and Reg, from the Miller Homes Leagues present it could hardly be otherwise. Jonty and Barry from Wilmslow were on the next table and the eggcitement knew no bounds. Enty, who had booked the following morning off, and the President, negotiated something approaching a sensible price for a bottle of port to follow the Major’s intriguing choice of wines.

 For the trip to Sandbach the Major was absent, saving himself for a gala evening and pressing his dickey, but it was a quietly confident group of Alies, some wearing their “lucky” underpants, who boarded Carl’s luxury Volvo coach.

Derrick was unable to provide his usual emergency rations, but the Plumber brought along a knobbly, acute Shiraz which thrust itself into all the palate’s crevices. As it warmed up the connoisseurs were experiencing, plums, prunes, burnt toast and that subtle perfume that is associated with opening the tractor shed doors.

Light traffic on the M6 ensured an early arrival at Bradwall Road. The usual debate broke out who was to be kitty master, the Plumber produced his littlered book and Entry trudged his way to the bar to order some splendid “London Pride.”  Gilly’s long hair worried the President, but he was reassured when Gilly said he still opted for a centre parting.

There was some confusion when the Solicitor dragged the Alies to form a tunnel. Clap! Clap! went the Alies when a column of red and white jerseys emerged from the changing rooms, but although the shirts looked familiar the faces did not, apart from one, Martin Lancaster.

Slowly it dawned on the Alies that this was Sefton’s second team, captained by former Vale of Lune player Martin, but after a brief pause the applause increased as a bemused group of players trotted off to take on Sandbach’s third team, eventually losing 25-13.

Sutcliffe using his considerable bulk

As the half hour approached, on the main pitch, handbags began to swing and the players waltzed their way to the touchline, the miscreants eventually spilling over the barrier where a group of Alies were standing. Accusations were made that one of the Alies had raised a foot and one was threatened with a citizen’s arrest.

While the bus passes, Nectar Cards and library cards flashed, the ones that mattered remained in referee Andy Dawson’s pockets. The President did explain that in days gone bye the perpetrator would have been labelled a malefactor and branded with the letter “m.” He then disappeared round the back of the clubhouse to give the bellows an extra pump to set the coals glowing.    

On the return journey a brief stop was made in Sandbach to drop a couple of players at the railway stain and the Alies were treated to a refreshing bottle of agreeable red by the players. After a few tales from the Potting Shed it was decided to open up the Spoof school for the first time this year.

Heskey in a wrestling contest

 But before any calls, and while Gilly was fumbling for a score sheet, the Press Secretary contacted Morse with the league results. Morse was purring his way home ready for a night on the Singer Sewing Machine after his son’s efforts had caused the gusset to split in his shorts revealing a delicate shade of big boy pants.  

Spoof followed its usual pattern with the Press Secretary struggling to add or subtract and remembering the calls and consequently lost the first two games. Eventually everything settled down. Gilly reminded everyone that should you reach the “final” never be caught with three or none in your hand. He was later hoisted by his own petard.

With the sun setting over Morecambe Bay a classic “Final” was fought out between Enty and Shagpile. The carpetbagger had stayed out of trouble all evening but he met his match with Enty. “None!” shouted Shagpile.

A smirking Enty responded with “Spoof!”

“Take your winnings off my account,” muttered his client.

In the clubhouse the Alies debated the benefits of a Care in the Community programme or whether an ASBO was just around the corner after the events on the touchline, but all agreed it had been a cracking performance against Sandbach, effectively erasing from the memory the disappointments of the last visit. There had been three quality tries from Fergus Owens, James Hodder and Darren Wilson; Neale Foster had converted all three tries and kicked a penalty goal.  

Vale of Lune: M Stevens; J Hodder, A Macluskie, F Owens, T Finau (A Richards 47); N Foster D Wilson; J Hesketh, A Powers, A Sutcliffe; L Acton (Capt), D Perry; A Garnett, D Lin, S Wallbank (F Spavin 51)

Man of the Match: Darren Wilson 

I’m afraid that my attempts to provide the photo of the 100% bust up beteen the teams met with failure. There must have been  a bug in the picture. However a certain Mr Higgin seemed well to the fore.

Tony Norths pictures of the leadups to the tries are now becoming a feature of the articles.

Not only being terrific photos but having the patience to wait and take hundreds of photos on the off chance shows the calibre of our own photographer. Excellent.  

RR

Sunday 14th March

The Vale of Lune Junior Colts having beaten

Consett up in Durham now face another

difficult task in having to face Yorkshire

rivals Doncaster.

This will be played at the Vale with a 2.30pm

K.O.                                                                          

Support from as many as possible would

be appreciated.                                                              

Come and watch these lads,

you will be in for a treat. 

Consett 17    Vale Junior Colts 35

Sunday March 7th 2010

 Vale left Powder House Lane on the long journey to County Durham for the National Under 17’s Cup game at Consett on a glorious but frosty morning. With the late withdrawel off key players Rogerson and Reeves, in addition to the long injury list which include Catlow, Field, Wilmott, Dobson and Simon and unavailable Wilson the team arrived in the heart of the NE to play against unknown opposition with a certain amount of trepidation.

Scrum going forward

Their nerves were quickly settled however when Carter first slotted over a penalty from the 22, and then a short time later went down the narrow side, after Dixon had pinched a Consett ball at the front of the line on their 22, to score the opening try. As well as settling their nerves it also appeared to produce a 10 to 15 minute lacklustre effort, which resulted in Consett being allowed back into the game and scoring their first try. This was the “wake up” call the Vale youngsters needed and from here on they proceeded to pick-up the pace of the game which Consett struggled to deal with. Carter was given 2 more opportunities with penalties which he converted with comfort. As half time approached Vale scored  an outstanding try which was started by Ashton-Hill who won and secured the ball close to half way. His fellow forwards quickly drove over to produce good quick possession.  Vale spun the ball out wide to the right, and again the forwards were there in support at the breakdown to produced more good quick ball which went through several pairs of hands back to the left wing, where Dixon, who was “loitering with intent”, showed a clean pair of heels to the covering Consett defence to finish a great team try. Carter again made no mistake with the conversion and stroked the ball over to make the half time score 21 – 5 to Vale.

Scrumming down

Consett on the move

There was not respite for Consett at the start of the second half with Vale again quickly into their stride playing an excellent 15 man game, and with 2 minutes of the restart Wood went over after one of his trademark juggling tricks, catching the ball at the third attempt before racing away from his bemused opposite number to score. Wood then scored a second after another good passage of play which found Baines at outside centre and with a two on one. Not content with a simple pass he executed a perfect switch with the alert Wood, who cut inside with a clear run to the posts. Vale were really on top at this stage, and although the game was now lost Consett still showed a terrific spirit and never gave up.  Vale had to show determined defence on several occasions to keep them out. When Carter received a yellow card Consett had a chance to reduce the deficit, which they did scoring two late consolation tries.

Neil McSporran in pensive mood

Bainsy keeping a close eye on things

This was a really good all round performance from the team , with several notable individual performances including Man of the Match Wood not only for his 2 tries, but also his excellent defensive work.   

The Vale youngsters will now play Doncaster in the next round of the competition at Powder House Lane on Sunday 14^th March kicking off at 2.30pm.   

Vale Junior Colts:

J.McSporran, D.Thomason, Z.Ashton-Hill;   S.Dixon, S.Thompson;   A. Mason, A.Holroyd, A.Baines;   O.Carter, E. Bland;   M. Bunn, J. Rudland-Thomas,  J.Lynch, R. Wood,  S.Peddar;   K.Sharples.

Miller Homes Division 1

On a cold but sunny afternoon the match started at a furious pace with both sides giving nothing away. It could be seen that the Wigan outfit were a stronger team than played earlier in November at Douglas Valley.

Slowly the Vale pack started to grind down the Wigan eight with McCullough to the fore and Charnley taking excellent ball in the line-outs.

A drive close to the Wigan line and a dart from scrum half Hughes saw the first score on the board after quarter of an hour with Price adding the conversion.  

Ten minutes later and the Vale pack were in control driving forward in a maul for Cowie to emerge and dot the ball down for the second try, again Price added the goal. Price was to convert every try scored as was the same in the game at Wigan, I think he must like to play against Wigan.

After half an hour another maul led to Speight being driven over for the touchdown which Price once more did the honours with the conversion.

No more scores before half time but a healthy 21 – 0 lead left the Vale with something to build on in the second half.

Soon after half time Tony Gilmour made the first change with Speight being replaced by Schuyler, with Cowie moving to the back row.

No more score until twenty minutes into the half. Wigan had been battling well but Hughes then finished off a good handling movement between forwards and backs where Tennant had instigated the move by joining the attack from the right wing, a joy to watch. Again Price was on target.

At this stage coach Gilmour changed the side once more, Tennant left to be replaced by Austin.

The Vale team were putting Wigan under a lot of pressure but with the Vale on the attack a pass was intercepted by the Wigan right wing who sped away. The cover tried to get back but the Wigan openside backing up took the ball from the winger to go over under the Vale posts, the fullback adding the conversion.

Austin who had made inroads with his first foray then proceeded to split the Wigan defence with an excellently angled run which was handled superbly for Price to go over. Again the extras were added.

The last change to the team then came about, Lee McCullough who’s driving runs had become a feature of the Vale pack left to be replaced by Isaac Turton.

The last try was scored after a charging run by Charnley who has come on leaps and bounds over the season. Just deserts for his man of the match game. Price once more completed the scoring.

Credit must go to the Wigan team who, despite the increase in scoring never once gave up the ghost and were still battling it out to the final whistle.

Throughout the season the Vale “A” team pack has developed into an impressive unit with players working for each other. Earlier in the season they had problems with quite a few teams in trying to match them up front. Now they are as good an eight as anyone in this league. Every week it seems as though a different forward is the driving force behind the team. Farnworth’s leadership of the forwards must be mentioned but the players are all working hard. Skipper Doyle is the inspiration and leads by example. This week with no number eight Jay Ashton-Yamnikar played there and served the team well with good driving runs as did Cowie up front.

This week Coach Tony Gilmour had to change the backs quite a bit due to injury and unavailability. However, he, Lee Jones and Skipper Keiron Doyle (noodles) seem to be able to conjure players up. Noodles has been influential in bringing players from the University which has been a great help. I’m sure these players are enjoying their rugby at the Vale. Tony always uses his subs well, replacing players at just the right time, even if they’ve just scored a hat trick as has happened a couple of times this season.

Again this week the game was served well by referee Kevin Warwick. He allows plenty of advantage which is appreciated by the players and allows the game to flow. He is hardly noticed in the game but is firm and never relinquishes his control.

A feature of the game was there weren’t any penalty kicks at goal in the whole match, such was Kevin’s control.

Again he had an excellent match, I hope the 1^st team appreciate him next week because he is officiating their match with Tyldesley at the Vale.

Next week sees the start of a very difficult few weeks with away trips to leaders Lymm and 2^nd placed West Park in successive weeks followed by Wilmslow at home. Not an easy task but one of which I am sure they will be up for. I am certainly looking forward to these games and I am sure all the players are as well.

Vale “A”          L Jackson,  O Cowie,  A Morrison;  L Farnworth,  L McCullough;  M Speight,  B Charnley,  J Ashton-Yamnikar;  O Hughes,  K Doyle;  R Lock,  P Shepherd,  T Williams,  J Tennant;  G Price.

Replacements:  O Austin,  D Schuyler, I Turton.

Referee:    Kevin Warwick  (Manchester & District Referees Society)

                                                                                                                                                                    Come and support  your future First Team. 

                                                                                                                                                                     Come and watch some exciting rugby in this local derby

Keith was a gentleman in every sense of the word with a huge appetite and enthusiasm for the game of rugby. His knowledge and experience earned him huge respect, not only throughout his own club and Cheshire, but in Northern rugby; witty and candid, Keith’s opinions were widely sought and valued.

Such a character is going to be missed by everyone who was fortunate to come into contact with him and certainly the clubhouse at Beechwood will not be the same without Keith Etherington.

Our condolences are extended to all Keith’s family at this sad time. The funeral will take place at Altrincham Crematorium (Dunham) on Friday March 12th at 3.00 pm., further details can be obtained from Lymm’s web site.

North One West

Saturday 27th February 2010

The Lymm troop were up at the crack of dawn, burnishing their good conduct badges, polishing their woggles, pressing slacks, aligning neckerchiefs, dubbining boots, waxing legs, preparing peanut butter sandwiches and checking the mechanism of their Swiss Army knives, in particular that dangerous implement for taking hedgehogs out of horses hooves, ahead of their adventure “up north.” 

Eventually the scout’s mini bus glided onto the car park at Beechwood and was loaded up; crates of Dandelion and Burdock, plus Guinness for Tommy, incontinent bags, maps, compasses, the odd Wainwright guide and ski poles just in case someone fancied tackling the slopes above the East Terrace at The Lane.

But these lads were not scouting for boys they were off on their long planned expedition to Powder House Lane. The Beaver Patrol arrived at the Vale in good time, which suited their driver who driven the last few miles with his legs crossed!

 The Alies had gathered early in readiness to greet the Lymm contingent. Enty was breezing around, organising the tables, but of course took the usual flak about attending a pre match lunch. No, he informed Muggy, he was not on a freebie, in fact he was paying for the Plumber, but he was right to be concerned about a seat for lunch.

Morse and family had made a block booking ahead of the wedding of daughter Jennifer to Ross, but he need no have worried because Derrick and his efficient staff quickly whipped out the linen and cutlery and laid an extra table; enough room for Jim, Tommy, Peter, Gordon, Akela, Baloo, Shere Kahn and Mowgli to tuck into their Lamb Henri or fish pie.   

Earlier in the week Morse had been researching the definition of the word “Alickadoo.”  One meaning caught the eye, “they are now retired and stand on the touchline giving the wrong tactical advice to the players…. implicit also is the notion that the Alickadoos now have some power in the rugby club, without bothering to inform themselves about the way the game is now played.” Now we know! There was nothing about offering the referee their wisdom with their encyclopaedic knowledge of the laws, however.  

 After the match there was the usual mad dash to claim a table ahead of the England Ireland game, with the Alies being spread all over the place, but all within semaphoring distance of the bar staff.

The Alies were quite excited, because they would be setting off on Tuesday for the Manchester and District Referees Society’s annual dinner, always a highlight in their packed social whirl. A driver had been sorted out for the trip to Wigan, none other than one of the promising young Alies, Diggler, who had taken on the role of touch judge in the absence of Tony. “I will do the job ref,” he said, “but I will cheat!”

There were the usual debates about dress code for the diner. The Plumber was advised it might be a sensible idea to have the Vale’s badge sewn on his blazer rather than residing in his top pocket, and the Consultant had purchased a club tie from the Club Secretary, who was spotted on a number of occasions fumbling in his pockets for a red card in a busy clubhouse.

The England Ireland game had Tommy dib dib dobbing throughout, until his fellow countrymen settled the issue and his wager of black stuff was safe. There was still enough time remaining to give the bar tab another seeing to before the Lymm Alies meandered to their mini bus, toilet stops suitably highlighted after their team had taken a positive step towards promotion in a season when they are celebrating their 50th Anniversary.

Unfortunately the day was overshadowed by the news that one of Lymm’s stalwarts and a real friend of the Vale, Keith Etherington, was in hospital after suffering a massive stroke. But on Monday the sad news was received from Cameron Haworth, Lymm’s Secretary that Keith had passed away.

The Alies have known Keith for many years; he always greeted the Alies at Beechwood with a merry quip while sorting out the beer, although they did catch Keith out on one occasion when they travelled down to Lymm for a second team fixture. Relaxing at home Keith received a phone call that the Vale Alies had arrived mob handed, slippers were kicked off, cigar stubbed out and he was soon bounding up the clubhouse stairs before the first pint had been supped.

Keith will not only will he be missed by friends and family and the rugby fraternity at large, but by a group of kindred spirits in North Lancashire who were privileged to have known such a kind hearted and generous gentleman.

Vale of Lune: M Stevens;   J Hodder, T Finau (A Macluskie 45), F Owens, A Richards;   N Foster, D Wilson;   J Hesketh, A Powers, L McLoughlin (A Sutcliffe 25);   L Acton (Capt.), D Perry;   L Ford, D Lin, L Leaumoana (S Wallbank 43)

Replacements: A Macluskie, A Sutcliffe, S Wallbank